Sunday, 17 July 2011

Is He Still In Love With His Ex?
When you enter into a relationship with a man who has previously been heart-broken, the thought that he might still be in love with his ex will not probably enter into your mind immediately. There are many times when a person gets into a rebound relationship without even realizing the fact.

It is not that there is any intention to hurt your feelings; it is just one of the various twists in love. Ironically, even women love to think of themselves as the fixer of broken hearts; and willingly start an affiliation with someone who is clearly still in the throes of his previous passion.

While there is no reason to deny the start of a beautiful saga just because your affianced have had a previous relationship; but to knowingly enter into one when he still appears to love his ex, is definitely a foolhardy task. There is no guarantee that he won’t be going back to his ex, with the first chance that he gets and neither is there any assurance that he loves you truly and is not in a rebound relationship.

It is better to give him a chance to recover from his heart break before you start on a new journey. There are some very clear signs that his heart might still be in his ex’s hands and it is prudent not to ignore them completely.
She is still in his life: There is no harm in maintaining a friendly contact with one’s ex but when the person becomes a constant presence in your partner’s life, it might be a cause for worry. It is not healthy for a new pair of lovers to be constantly haunted by the presence of someone who was an important part of one of the partner’s life and will not sit well with anyone.
If your partner is spending more than the required amount of time with his ex, either in person or through the phone and net, it is time for you to have a serious talk with your partner, without any aggression or accusations, of course.

There’s no talk without ex talk: This is another painful thing one has to endure in a rebound relationship, especially if the partner is still into his ex. It will seem like there is no conversation topic between you; which does not inevitably lead to her subject. It might be a comparison of how it was before; vis-à-vis now; or it might be plain remembrance of the past, but if his ex’s ghost seems to be a constant shadow in your life, there might be a problem. It is completely normal for us to compare our previous relationships to the present one but if every topic leads to her, it means he has not moved on.

The ex fixation: Another sign that your partner’s heart firmly belongs to his ex will be displayed by his steadfast fixation with everything in her life. If his behavior borders on the edges of becoming a stalker, there is definite cause for concern. He could be continuously checking on her status messages, calling up her friends to find out about her, disturbing her with messages and e-mails etc will indicate an unhealthy obsession. While it is not a problem to be concerned about someone’s well-being, there is no excuse for spying into someone’s private life.
Jealous displays: Displaying possessiveness over one’s ex is not a very healthy sign and indicates his obsession with her. If your partner happens to bump into his ex with another man in her arms; and he starts hurling abuses at them or worse comes back home and throws a tantrum, he is still hung up on her. When he starts getting jealous at any news of her getting into another relationship, it is a definite red flag for you and needs intervention.

Trouble in the sex life: If there is trouble in the bedroom, the reason might be his ex. Accompanied with one or more of the other factors will definitely pin point to an ex related problem. When one shares a very passionate relationship with someone and that breaks off, it is difficult to get back into another so soon.

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Besides, there might be a guilt factor associated with it, if he still loves his ex. Getting into bed with someone other than his ex might be a problem for him which will lead to problems for you. And if he shouts out his ex’s name instead of yours when in the throes of his climax, well I don’t need to say anything else.

His ex is a taboo topic: Just like too much talk about his ex indicates an underlying problem, similarly his refusal to completely talk about his ex shows another. There might be another reason why he does not want to talk about her, but is he appears to have a depression attack at the mere mention of her name, trouble is definitely brewing.

Secret meetings: If you have caught your lover having secret “dates” with his ex, which when confronted, he claims to be just friendly meetings; you need to re-look at all the signs again. If he attributes his secrecy to the fact that you would be jealous may be a ruse or the truth. If he gets defensive or aggressive when confronted by you, it means he is hiding something.
While the above factors do not have to lead to an end to your affiliation, it definitely shows some potential issues which needs to be discussed with a cool demeanor. Directly throwing accusations might cause more problems than a solution, and it might be better for you to treat the matter with sensitivity and discretion.
Getting help of a mutual friend without involving yourself can provide some closure. It is good for you to work out a solution if you are truly in love, but there is no need for you to be stuck with so much baggage if there is no change in his behavior even after your discussions.

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