Thursday, 11 November 2010

15 Steps to Heal Broken Heart
1. Try to understand why you are upset. Understand that everything happens for a reason. What exact moment made you feel upset?

2. Don't think about whose fault it was - at one time or another, everyone makes mistakes. Don't worry about it.
3. Do something quiet and relaxing to help you feel better. Maybe you want to take a hot bath, or meditate, or read a book. That's fine.

4. In an hour, or two, or whenever you're ready, start thinking about whether you are ready to accept the other person's feelings.

5. If you are, go ahead, call them, write them a note, or whatever you need to do. Maybe you want to talk face-to-face. They may not be willing to see you, or talk to you, but you should make an effort. Even if they turn you down, you feel better that you tried, and maybe they'll recognize that you made an effort.

6. Understand what causes a broken heart in the first place. When we are in a mutual loving relationship we are constantly transferring our life energy (chi/ka/qi/prana) to our beloved automatically and more so when we think of them. This is based on the Huna principle: "Energy flows where attention goes". In a balanced relationship this transference of life energy is strong and has equal amounts of incoming and outgoing life energy. This helps both members feel secure and stable in a relationship even if it might be long distance. An unbalanced relationship causes this energetic flow to fall out of sync and results in an uneven distribution of incoming and outgoing life energy. This is why when we feel insecure, needy or clingy in a relationship even when there might not be a real reason behind it. The likely cause for this is because you stopped being your ex's main attention point in life and your ex didn't allow energy to flow back to you. Your ex might have had some other priorities (new job, changes in family, moving to a new city) and this lack of incoming energy is what causes one to become needy, anxious, unsettled and insecure in a relationship. But now that you have been told that you won't be able to continue your relationship with your beloved there is a conflict in mind and heart. You are still transferring life energy to your beloved automatically by thinking of them(you do love them after all!) but this is resulting in an inner conflict as you know you should stop. Your heart chakra is wide open and your mind know nows that you won't be getting any more incoming energy back from your beloved but your body is still expecting it. This is why there is a great need to focus your energy on other aspects of life to balance your outgoing energy to something that will require your complete focus.

7. What we miss when drawing away from a relationship is that we can't express our love anymore to someone. Ways to continue this form of heartfelt expression (and keep our wellbeing in balance on an energetic level) is to write poetry, paint, sing, dance, and do whatever it takes to allow you to transform your pain into something productive!

8. Move on. When you feel you are ready to open your heart again, find someone else to be with. Make sure that this person is not a replacement for your ex, but that you appreciate who he/she is for her true self. This is a great time to find someone else that has the attributes that you perhaps thought your ex didn't have. Say to yourself: "My next boy/girlfriend will be someone that enjoys Zen gardening just as much as I do and won't laze about on the couch all day". By focusing on these aspects you will ensure that you find someone in the future that you can share interests together with and therefore further guarantee your happiness.

9. Smile! Seriously, smiling makes you feel better and if you gather a few good, close friends and have a laugh together, you'll remember how good life was without him/her and that you're okay really.

10. The moment he, she or it hammers the last drop of blood from your still loving/beating heart, stop arguing with that person or the fantasy voice of that person about how they are wrong and you are right. Everytime you catch yourself arguing your point in your own mind, just say stop and focus on something completely different

11. Put away the memories. When you regain composure from step 2, put the remainder candy wrappers, music, item of smell memory in the box with the rest of the memory debris. Keep out the picture.

  • Every day for a week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud, "Forget you and the horse you rode in on," or some other suitable invective and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop. Say it out loud, be your filthy angriest self in these mutterings.
  • Every day for the second week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud. I miss you, and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop.
  • Every day for the third week when you walk by the picture of your former soul mate, say I am sorry out loud to the picture.
12. Let time heal. It has been one month now. Go to someplace where you used to go or be near your so-called one-true love and go there with a friend (not alone, this is important). Mention 1 time and 1 time only how you used to drink at this very bar or your used to fend off Mr or Mrs. Wonderful's advances in that same back store room, mention it once only and then have a drink or file some papers, or do what ever you used to do, only now with a different person, preferably a comfortable friend who can smile knowingly then move the conversation forward.

13. Read a book every night before you go to sleep. You might never have read books, but nothing moves you outside of yourself better than a book, not a movie, not a music video, read a book. It will help you heal.

14. Practice being honest to yourself every day. In fact, be honest to everyone. Living in the truth of every moment will allow you to carve your way to a better relationship the next time around.
15. Speak to people. Speak to friends. They have all been through the same and will gladly help ease your burden of dealing with a broken heart. Lean on your friends as much as you like, this will also help you determine your true friends in life. If your friends try to persuade you to get over your ex by finding someone new too soon then this friend might not be the best influence for you. Try out forums online. Knowing that thousands like you are going through the same pain helps a lot.

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