To Be a Good Husband

Be a gentleman, if she'll let you. Most, not all, women find the idea of a gentleman sweet and endearing. If your wife is that kind of lass, get ready to bust out your most chivalrous self. Think 17th century manners, or thereabouts:

• Kiss her hello and goodbye.
• Take her heavy shopping bags for her.
• Open doors for her.
• Pay for dates.
  
  • Of course, there's always the chance that she doesn't want you treating her in a gentlemanly way. If she doesn't, don't take it personally. Continue being sweet to her, even if you don't give her special treatment.

Be respectful. Respect is an act of understanding. Understand that your wife is an independent, different person, and that she may not want to do the exact same thing as you, even though your interests are usually aligned. Here are four examples of ways you can be respectful of your wife:

• Keep your promises. Do what you say you'll do. If you tell her you're going to do the dishes, don't wimp out and then make excuses while she takes over your responsibility.
• Be on time. If you say you're going to be somewhere at a certain time — say, pick up your kid at daycare — be there. Your wife's time is just as valuable as yours. Respect it.
• Stop assuming. Don't just assume that she'll do something because she's your wife or a woman. Establish good lines of communication instead. Learn how to ask for a favor.
• Listen to what she's saying. Don't pretend to listen — actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she's saying.

Never lie. Get in the habit of telling the truth. Ask yourself how you would feel if you found out your wife was keeping anything but a birthday secret from you. Always tell her where you are going if she wants to know. Tell her who you are with. Tell her what your motivations are, even if you think they're petty. Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.

Never cheat. It goes without saying, but it must be mentioned. Cheating is a form of lying. You wouldn't be very accepting of your wife having an affair, so why would you? If you're having an affair, take a good, hard look at your life and ask yourself why you're married to the person you're married to.

• If you love your wife but lust after someone else, realize how unfair the situation is. You want the comfort of your wife, but you're not willing to be exclusive and honest with her. This is selfish behavior at its most basic. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
• If you no longer love your wife, then why are you still married to her? Both of you would probably be much better off if you were given the opportunity to find someone you truly loved, or someone who loved you back. Think about it. But think again, are you really no longer love your wife? Remember the first time your date and your promise when you married her.

Minimize laziness. Laziness is a major turnoff to women, and a bad habit to boot. Laziness isn't necessarily watching football on Sunday; laziness is not doing something you know you should or want to do, but can't bring yourself to. So take the garbage out, surprise her once a week by cleaning the house, or exercise to show her you have self-worth. It makes a big difference.

Never raise your voice, yell at, or physically abuse her. Your wife trusts you to look after her comfort and safety. Don't set a bad example and let your emotions get the better of you

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